I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
