They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
