The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
