i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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