you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
