hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
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