my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Randomize
