dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
