A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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