Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Randomize
