I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
