I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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