im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Randomize
