I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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