Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
i would one night stand the shit outta him
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
