Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
