I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
