So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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