he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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