Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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