I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
