the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
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