there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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