You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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