i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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