Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
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