would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
