Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
