The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
