Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
