I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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