i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Still dying that you shit outside
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
