so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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