Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
