k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
