You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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