I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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