I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
