somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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