Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
