Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
