what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
