he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Randomize
