i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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