I think I won the penis lottery.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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