What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
