I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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