I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
If its not for food we ain't going out.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
