I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
