i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
3 2 1 whiskey
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
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