I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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