Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
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