i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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