I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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