I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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